Wheel of Fortune

Before the Audition

I’ve always been a huge game show fan.  From ‘Press Your Luck’ to ‘Card Sharks’.  From ‘Family Feud’ to ‘TPIR’.  But the George Washington on my ‘Game Show Rushmore’ is ‘The Wheel’, Wheel of Fortune.

I go back 25 years with the show.  Watched it with my Grandma all the time as a child (and adult), with my roommates, and with my mom when I’m home now. I Kissed the tv screen when I was a child when Vanna White would be shown.  Hell, my parents even lived in Nashville when Pat Sajak was a weatherman.  

So, yeah, I love it.  It combines hangman, crosswords, and gambling into one beautiful, and surprisingly, fast paced game.  It’s genius.

I’ve been applying for ‘Wheel of Fortune’ for the last couple of years.  It’s an easy application that’s on their website http://www.wheeloffortune.com/contestants/beacontestant/.  I had never heard anything from them until about a month ago.  I got an email from them saying that I have an audition with them on April 6^th at 2:30 pm.  Now, I don’t get excited easily, but this ridiculous game show contestant email got me fired up.  I couldn’t wait!

Day Of Audition

The audition was held at the Radisson in Culver City, CA.  About a 2 hour drive.  They wanted us to get there 15 minutes before our call time of 230.  I got in there about 2:20 and they sat me in the sixth, and last, row (each row had about 10 people).  Half of the potential contestants were from San Diego, Half flew in from SF, and a few hailed from Santa Barbara.  As we filled out a 1 page questionnaire (hobbies, skills, DOB, have we been on a game show before, military, etc…) one of the women ‘hosts’ went around making a seating chart with everyone’s name on it.  They would randomly choose each name for the puzzles we had to solve.

In the middle of the room, in front, there was a projection screen that flashed unsolved puzzles.  One of the men in the group of ‘hosts’ played the part of Pat Sajak.  To my left, there was a woman who spun a wheel, a miniature facsimile of the one shown on the actual show. 

To my right, on the other side of the projection screen, there was a man with a buzzer (if you chose the wrong letter he would buzz you), and he would type letters into the puzzle.  Above the puzzle was an alphabet board that would delete the letters as they are called.  Yup, some people still called deleted letters.  Knuckleheads.

Before we got started the male host asked if any of us had been on previous game shows.  3 people proudly raised their hands.  There was a woman in front of me who had been on ‘Supermarket Sweep’, hosted by the one and only Mark Wahlberg.  No, not that Marky Mark.  The Mark Wahlberg who hosted ‘Temptation Island’. There was also the perky, late 30’s housewife next to me said that she had been on the Family Feud during college week.  I asked her who was the host was when she was on.  She said “The guy who committed suicide”.  I said Ray Combs, was I right?  Of course I was right!  I can name all the hosts without help from the interweb.   And ladies, that’s also how she aged herself.  Yup, i’m always keeping score.

After all this pre-game chat-chat we were ready to Spin The Wheel!  The puzzles were being posted and hopeful contestants’ names were being called.  It took about 30 minutes for my name to get called.  During this time I watched people make terrible guesses on letters, miss puzzles by saying the wrong answer, and win prizes by getting the puzzle correct.  T-shirts, Sajak bobblehead dolls, and hats were passed out to winners.  The best prize was a Vanna White autographed 8x10 that was won by the person who solved the very first puzzle.  I want that.

We were also asked to applaud and groan like we were the actual audience.  I’ve never clapped so damn much in my life.  That was the worst part of the audition, well maybe not the worst part.  I’ll get to that.

The first puzzle I was called on to select letters for was High Definition Video Camera.   The only letters we had used were R, E, and T.  My name was called, I popped up out my seat clapping like an idiot and then I selected the letter ‘Y’.  Buzzzz!!!  I had to sit down just as fast I got up. My reasoning on selecting Y was that it would fit at the end of the last word after the letters ___er_.  I was wrong, not a big deal.  I figured I’d get another chance at a later puzzle.  I did.

After everyone had gone at least once, they did a few more puzzles for the contestants that were like me and had only one shot and missed.

The next puzzle I had to name letters for was I Hear It’s Beautiful This Time Of Year.   At this point H, T, S, and I, and O had been used.  I ‘spun’ and called R.  Ding!  ‘Spun’ again and called Y.  Ding!  At this point I knew the answer to the puzzle.  ‘Spun’ again and called F.  Ding!  “I had this in the bag” I said to myself.  My only real decision was “Do I say it like Pauly D would”?  Nah, I gotta take it seriously.  There was no doubt I was going to spin again, I’m a gambler.  The only consonants I needed to call were B and L.  “Spin” I say.  The wheel is ‘spun’ and the host puts it on ‘Lose A Turn’ to give someone else a chance. Jerk!  Down I go!   I could’ve solved it and gotten a T-shirt, but I wanted to play it like I would if I was on the actual show.  I had no regrets.  However, if I were to play that puzzle again, at the point of my 4^th spin, I would’ve bought a vowel and then solved it.  Oh well, que sera sera.

After we were done with those 25 or so puzzles it was time for a ‘Fill in the Blank’ quiz.  It was a sheet of paper with 16 puzzles; 4 categories, 4 half filled in puzzles in each section.  We had 5 minutes.  GO!  I had done about 6-7 in the first 3 minutes, then one of my worst fears happened.  I had to go to the bathroom, ahem, and I couldn’t hold it.  I would’ve soiled myself had I stayed in that seat.

“What!  You can’t hold it for 2 more minutes?” you’re probably saying.  NO!  I couldn’t.  My legs were shaking and things might have gotten messy had I not gone.  It was a perfect storm for perculation.  I had been to the Padres game the day before and ate/drank all sorts of badness.  Had caffeine on the drive up as well as being a little nervous.  And anyone who’s really been nervous and has had the ‘butterflies’ knows what it’s like to have your stomach turn.  It was so mentally painful, not to mention physically, to realize what I had to do

I got up, put my quiz down and motioned to one of the hosts that I had to go to the bathroom.  He didn’t give a shit.  I did though.  I went and handled my bizness, Harry Dunn style, and got back in with 10 seconds left.  I was as quick as I could’ve been.  I managed to fill in another word quickly, but by now the damage had been done.  We handed in our sheets and they would call us to reconvene in 15 minutes to let us know who made it to round 2.

Despite my loud voice and ability to solve puzzles I was not chosen.  The worst part is that they took about 20 out of the 50.  I couldn’t even make the top 40%?  What the hell!?  Did me leaving to go to the bathroom have to do with not being asked to go to round 2?  Maybe.  I guess I’ll never know.  I do know this.  I was devastated.  There are very few things in life that I have REALLY wanted to do.  Being a contestant on Wheel Of Fortune is one of those. 

This will not deter me from trying to become a contestant.  I can’t apply for another year, but that will only allow me to sharpen my WOF skills.  And to learn how to use the bathroom at opportune times.